Novel month 2020 – Day 30

Today’s word count: 2,722
Total word count: 52,495

And we’re done. Whew. Considering there were about 5-6 days where I wrote nothing at all, and another 2-3 where I didn’t do much better, this is actually an accomplishment. I’ve finished 6 chapters (counting the prologue) of On the Stellar Sea, and it’s shaping up to be a decent novel. A worthy addition to the Orphans of the Stars series, in my opinion.

I might take a break from working on it now, though. As has been the case all year, my depression has interfered with my writing all month. I’ve suffered. I’ve made the ones I love suffer in turn. Nanowrimo this year was catharsis, plain and simple. It was a chance for me to get lost in a world of my own making, the one place where I still have a modicum of control. That may have saved my life. I’d say it saved my sanity, but I’m not sure I have any of that left.

It hasn’t been without hardship. The continued lockdowns have worn me down. The election madness leaves me genuinely scared for the future, and far less certain about my own place in it. I’ve spent eight months documenting my thoughts on such matters, sometimes speaking in great detail of the toll 2020 has exacted. Each new obstacle, each new attack on the life I was trying to build, leaves me one step closer to giving up for good.

I’m almost to that point. In 2017, I wrote like a maniac. Over 1.2 million words in total, quadruple my output this year. I told myself I was doing it because I didn’t want to deal with the real world. Now, I simply don’t feel I can deal with it. Yet I sometimes feel I can’t write, either. I’ve had more periods of genuine writer’s block since March than at any point in the past decade. I would say that it hurts, but…everything hurts these days. One more pain doesn’t change much.

I’ve failed at getting a job. I’ve failed at starting my own life. I’ve failed to respect the woman I love. I’m sure I’ll fail at nearly everything else I try in the future, because that’s just how my luck runs. For this one moment, however, I can say I succeeded at something. If November has one silver lining, it’s that I can always fall back on that.

Novel month 2020 – Day 29

Today’s word count: 2,263
Total word count: 49,773
Daily average: 1,716
Projected total: 51,489

We are on the precipice, folks. My goal for tomorrow is to finish off Chapter 5. Call it about 2,200 words again. That won’t quite be the halfway point of the book, but it’ll be close. With everything that’s happened over the course of November, I’m calling it a well-earned victory.

Assuming I get it done, that is. Let’s not count those chickens until they start hatching. After all, you never know. I could dump 400,000 totally legit words at 4 AM tomorrow.

Novel month 2020 – Day 28

Today’s word count: 1,864
Total word count: 47,510
Daily average: 1,696
Projected total: 50,903

So close now. I’m about halfway done with Chapter 5, and I have a real shot at finishing it in the next two days. (Assuming something else doesn’t happen to screw it up. Watch this space.)

On another note, why do so many of my books end up delving into adolescent relationships? I get that it’s because I like writing child characters, but On the Stellar Sea now has 5 of the things, because I goofed and ended up pairing Alicia and Aron completely by accident. Add in at least three from the Hidden Hills series (blatant plug: Lair of the Wizards paperback out next month!) and even Dusk & Dawn from The Linear Cycle, and I clearly spend too much time on this topic. Maybe it’s because I’m hopeless at handling anything more mature?

Novel month 2020 – Day 26

Today’s word count: 2,378
Total word count: 43,719
Daily average: 1,681
Projected total: 50,445

I’m done with Chapter 4 and somehow back on pace. There’s still a chance at salvaging something from this trainwreck of a year. At least I can be thankful for that today. Well, that and turkey.

For anyone reading, I hope you have plenty to eat and as many guests as possible. “The right of the people peaceably to assemble” was made for days like this.

Novel month 2020 – Day 24

Last 4 days’ word count: 4,339
Total word count: 39,191
Daily average: 1,632
Projected total: 48,988

Last four days. That’s not a typo. Sleeping 16, 18, and even 20 hours a day (that one was Saturday, by the way) is not conducive to writing. Not at all.

But 2020 has already taken so much from me. It’s taken my hopes, my dreams, my uncle, my freedom, my sanity, my faith in humanity, and my best chance at living a normal, happy life. It is not going to take the streak. I don’t have much else left.

Novel month 2020 – Day 20

Today’s word count: 2,635
Total word count: 34,852
Daily average: 1,742
Projected total: 52,278

Finished off Chapter 3, and now both plots are in full effect. Add in the whole mystery angle that’s been building throughout the series, and On the Stellar Sea is shaping up to be a ride and a half. Can’t wait to get back into it tomorrow, but I’m tired now.